Stories and Sh*t

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

what now?

Some people are fake... some people are what they really are... and some other try to change. Which one is me? I’m the one who try to change... i’ve spent years to do that, and here I am now. Dumped.

I ain’t no crazy man, or have mentally retarded. I’m just someone who sometime stares in front of the mirror and saw a monster in the other side. And sadly he is the smart one. I know I have this since I was a little boy, I’ve already made a lot of enemies from actually some close friends of mine.

Tired, it’s been a tired life to control the situation where I have to be good all the time. Once I mad, then I’m really not like me anymore.. or perhaps, it was... not me.

Life’s goes on... I made my step to a high school, the first time I will actually live with a really free life. I realize that time is the time that I need to change. Friendship is going to be a serious problem. I need to make friends, not enemies. So I tried my best, sometime I fail and disappointed some people but I can handle it. It’s not that often, I start my life as a normal person. That’s... before I fall in love.

I fell in love... it’s really hard to control my emotion. My heart is like a machine gun shooting all over the place, fast, burned.  The beast is out, again. This fucking me wants more and more. I couldn’t handle it this time... I never be in this situation before. Badly, I hurt someone I loved, and some of her friends may be. I lost her, I lose to another me. And end up hating myself.

Again, life’s goes on... so do mine. I live mess as I know I ruin my college life as a broken boy. Two and a half years I manage myself to return to my best conditions... it’s really hard that I have to deal with bad grades in 4 early semesters, but I made it. I can survive... the monster is sleep and that broken heart moment even makes me believe that I have won the battle. Then I start to focus on my study, I need to get out of here as fast as possible and get a job, helping my parent.

Yeah.... everything seems good. That before, I fall in love again....  


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